When my daughter was born, life hit me with a huge smack of reality. Prior to that, I had no goals in life. I was merely living to exist. Although I provided materially for my daughter, I was otherwise non-existent in her world. Running from the responsibility being a parent demanded, I left the state for almost a year.
Alcohol and drug addiction became an everyday occurrence. It was a coping mechanism keeping me from facing life head on. I was at the end of my rope on what I wanted to do versus what I needed to do. In that moment, I called my dad and asked him if I could come back home. He was gracious to accept. There were strict rules in place to keep me clean but that moment probably saved my life.
Years later while living on my own, I remember asking God out loud,
“If you’re real and if you’re alive and a living God, then certainly you are responsible for those that say they want to walk in your ways.”
I wanted to know who God was, if he knew me, if he wanted me.
Unfortunately I had slipped back into drug use. I was what many called a functional druggie. I was doing cocaine, crack, speed and anything else I could find. In those moments, you know you need to clean yourself up but the steps to get there seem monumental. I remember these small, hidden miracles though that happened, wondering if it was God who was speaking to me in those times. It was a painful process working through my drug rehabilitation. I almost gave up again. But like anything in life, it’s always little steps here, little steps there.
Around 2005, I started stepping out from work each day to eat lunch in my car. I would put on KKLA FM, the Bible station here in Los Angeles. Back to the Bible happened to be on during that lunch period. Over time, that radio program became this healing component for me. It got my mind thinking, it challenged me and took me to a better place, even for a small moment during the day.
I felt in my heart that I wanted to give to Back to the Bible due to what it meant for me in my life. Years later, I received a call from someone at the ministry and that relationship has continued ever since. To know that a ministry cares for me, wants to know my heart, who I am and where I’m trying to go in life, that has kept my support going over the years.
Sometimes I’m not sure what talents and such I bring to the Lord’s kingdom. Yet I often forget that small acts are what constitute that very kingdom. So if that means giving financially, I remember that I’m a piece of an important community where God is at work.
As told to Back to the Bible in conversation